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030502 - ! ! 23 new pix @ www.solstikkan.has.it !!!!
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Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants.
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It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, Boy, are you in trouble? I’m a lawyer!

The driver looked out his window and said, No, you’re in trouble. I’m a judge.
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The attractive young miss was about to go to bed with her blind date when she burst into tears.

"I'm afraid you'll get the wrong idea about me," she said between sobs. "I'm really not that kind of girl!"

"I believe you," her date said, as he tried to comfort her.

"You're the first one," she gulped.

"The first one to make love to you?" he asked.

"No, silly," she replied. "The first one to believe me!"
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Mom walked into the bathroom one day & found young Johnny furiously scrubbing his penis with a toothbrush and toothpaste.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, young man!" she exclaimed.

"Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's."
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What do the vacuum "dirt devil" and Viagra have in common?
They both put the power of an upright in the palm of your hand.
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Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
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Two duck hunters ran into one another early one morning. One of them noticed that the other's dog was just sitting there, with no interest in retrieving any of the fowl his master downed.

The first hunter asked, "What's wrong with your dog? The last time I saw you two he was one of the best bird dogs I'd ever seen!"

"Well," the other hunter replied, "His name's Lawyer. He used to run all over creation, working hard and getting the job done. Then one day someone made the mistake of calling him Judge, so now all he does is sit on his ass and bark."
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Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game
Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"
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A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness,or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A clown in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
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030502 - ! ! 23 new pix @ www.solstikkan.has.it !!!!
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