030330 -!-!! 23 new pix on www.solstikkan.has.it !!!!
"Sex is like going to the gas station.
Sometimes you get full service, and sometimes you have to go to self-serve."
There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot.
Not knowing what to do, she called 911. "You gotta help me find my parrot!" The operator patiently replied, "We can't help you with that, ma'am. This number only deals with emergencies."

However, the lady persisted, and then the operator told her not to be concerned, that the parrot should fly back in a few days.

Then, out of desperation, the lady begged, "But you don't understand!
The only thing he says is 'Here, kitty, kitty'!!!"
A redneck named Bubba was tired of hearing redneck jokes that used the name, Bubba. He went to court and changed his name.
The judge asked," and what name do you want it changed to?"
He said, "Candy."
The judge replied, "Candy? "C-A-N-D-Y is that right?
Yes thats right, your honor." said Bubba
The judge put the name on the papers before him and said, legally, your name is now, Candy."
He rushed over to tell his girlfriend. He knocked on her door and heard "who's there?"
He said, "It's me!
She said, "come on in Bubba, the doors unlocked."
He said, "It's not Bubba."
She said, "Yes it is, I recognize your voice."
He said, "It ain't Bubba no more cause I done legally changed it."
She asked, "what it is?"
He said, "Guess."
She said, "Leroy?"
He answered, "No."
She said, "Johnny?"
He answered, "No."
She said, "Hell, I give up, come on in."
He said, "Wait, I'll gives ya a hint. Ya holds it in ya hand and ya puts it in ya mouth.
"Oh!... Come on in, Dick."
How do you confuse a blonde?
You can't, they have always been like that.
This homeless guy walks into a bar and says, "Gimme whiskey."
The bartender says, "I'll have to see your money first."
"I'm broke, sonny, but if you give me a bottle of whiskey, I'll get up on that stage and fart Dixie!"

The bartender had never seen someone fart any kind of song, so he agrees.

The homeless guy drinks the whole bottle of whiskey, then staggers up on stage and the audience starts applauding. Then he drops his pants and the audience starts cheering even louder. Then, he proceeds to shit all over the stage, and everyone gets disgusted and leaves.

The bartender screams, "You said you were gonna fart Dixie! Not shit all over my stage!"
The guy replies, "Hey! Even Frank Sinatra had to clear his throat before he sang!"
Two 80 year old men sat talking over the weather and the latest in medical science and such, when one brings up the latest male medical miracle, Viagra. The other wasn't familiar with Viagra and asked the first man what it was for.

The first man said, "It's the greatest thing I've ever known. The Fountain of Youth!! Makes you feel like a man of 30."

The second then asked, "Can you get it over the counter?"

The man looks a little taken aback but replies "You probably could, if you took two pills".
How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
030330 -!-!! 23 new pix on www.solstikkan.has.it !!!!