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030305 - ! - !! 23 new pix at www.solstikkan.has.it !!!
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Jon takes his dog for a walk. After a while he gets thirsty so he ties his dog to a parking meter in front of a bar and goes in for a couple of beers. After he has been there for an hour or so the local policeman enters the bar.

"Whose dog is tied up out front?"

Jon responds, "That's my dog. Is there a problem officer?"

"Well she's in heat," says the cop.

"Oh, she'll be all right. It's shady out there."

"That's not what I mean. Your dog needs bred."

"I gave her a half of a loaf this morning. She's fine."

At this point the policeman is becoming a little upset. "Listen fellow. You don't seem to understand what I am talking about. That dog needs to be screwed."

"Go right ahead officer, I've always wanted a police dog."
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"Doctor, that rectal exam hurt like hell. What did you do?"
"I used two fingers."
"What for?"
"I needed a second opinion."
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A mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably long penis. He called in his receptionist to show her.
She took one look and said, "That's just like my husband Harry's penis."

"You mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked.

"No," she replied. "That dead."
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"Well, dear what's it to be tonight?" said the amorous hubby.

"Hmmm....I'm in the mood for something special tonight, how about 'turkey style?'" replied his mate.

"Turkey style? I've heard of 'doggy style,' but what in the world is 'turkey style'?"

"Gobble, gobble, gobble!"
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A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood.

About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!"

"OK," the man says, "You take the front and I`ll take the back."
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One day a husband was chiding his beautiful blonde wife about leaving her keys in the ignition of her car.

"If I take them out of the car I lose them," she reasoned.

"Yes dear, but what if someone steals your car?" the husband countered.

"Oh that's okay," the wife chirped happily, "I keep a spare key in the glove box!"
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Why did the executive hire the prostitute to be his secretary?
On her application, where it said 'last position', she wrote 'doggie style'!
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A newly married sailor was informed by the navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

"My love," he wrote "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not tempted? "

So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, "why don't you learn to play this?"

Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling" he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!"

She kissed him and said, "First let's see you play that harmonica."
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A girl is about to tie the knot, and is watching her mother bake biscuits in the kitchen.
"Mom?" she asks, "How do you keep Dad so happy after all these years of marriage?"
The mother promptly throws a wad of biscuit dough on the floor, hikes up her dress, and squats down, picking the dough up with her snatch.

"Practice this and when you can do it, I'll guarantee that your manwill be satisfied for the rest of his life," said her mother.

So the girl practiced and practiced until her wedding night. While her anxious husband waited for her in the bed, she emerged wearing a sexy negligee, carrying a can of biscuit dough.
She opened the can, threw the dough on the floor, lifted her negligee, and squatted over the dough.
Expecting to only pick up the biscuit she had a very unexpected episode
of gas, which made a thunderous growling sound.

Her husband startled, jumped from the bed and backed away.

"What's wrong honey?" she asked.

He replied, " Shit woman!" as he stepped further away.
"If that thing growls like that for a biscuit, I sure as hell don't want to tease it with meat!"
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Why do women like to play pac-man so much?
They get eaten 3 times for a quarter!
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A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in.
The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out.
This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
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It's the middle of summer and a Highway Patrolman pulls over a motorist for speeding. While he's writing the ticket, flies keep buzzing around his head, annoying him considerably.

"Circle flies sure are bad this year, aren't they?" says the motorist.

"Yeah," says the patrolman, "if that's what these are, you're sure right. But I've never heard of a circle fly before. What's that?"

"Well," the motorist responds, "circle flies are a species of fly that are particularly partial to horses. Specifically, they tend to circle around a horse's rear end. That's why they call 'em circle flies."

The patrolman, catching the implication, replies, "You don't say. Well, that's very interesting. But it strikes me that you might be trying to call me a horse's ass. You wouldn't be making that kind of implication about an officer of the law, would you?"

"Oh, no sir!" responds the motorist. "No, sir, not at all. I have the utmost respect for law enforcement officers, and would never dream of implying that one of them was a horse's ass. No, sir, I'm terribly sorry if that's how it sounded."

"Yeah, I didn't think so," replied the patrolman.

"Yeah," the motorist continued, "but there's just no fooling those circle flies, is there?"
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An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:

"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
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030305 - ! - !! 23 new pix at www.solstikkan.has.it !!!
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