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030220 -- !! new today pix at www.solstikkan.has.it !!!
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They say love is blind. True. It's marriage that is the real eye-opener.
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Drunk walks up to the host of a party and says, "'Scuse me, but do you have green toilet paper that says, 'F**k you?'"

The host looks disdainfully at the drunk and says, "No, I don't have green toilet paper that says, 'F**k you.'"

"Oh, then I'm terribly sorry," says the drunk, " I think I just wiped my ass with your parrot."
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An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed.
"Grandson I wanna you lisin to me. I want for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead."

"You lisina to me, soma day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino. Soma day you goina coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. What do you do than?

Point to you watch and say TIMES UP?"
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A man enters the confessional box at his local church and says to his priest, "Forgive me father for I have sinned. This week I used the F-word."

"Fear not, my son," the priest replies, "Start by telling me the circumstance which provoked you to use such profanity".

The man says,"It was on the golf course. I'd just teed off and sliced
the ball badly into the rough."

The priest nods,"I understand my son, I'm a golfer myself. Was that when you let your guard slip?"

"No, father. I recovered well from that and hit a lovely shot out of the rough but it ended up in the stream" the man confides. "

I see, how unfortunate. Anyone in your position would have felt the temptation to utter such an oath" the priest says.

"No that wasn't it, father. By some miracle I managed to chip it out of the water and to within a few feet of the green, but it rolled back into the sand" the man carries on.

"Terrible luck, my son. No wonder you were so frustrated and felt the need to swear".

"That wasn't it either, father." The man says, almost sobbing,"I hit a great shot out of the sand but the ball stopped an inch from the hole".

"Goodness, such misfortune!" The priest says, nodding,"Such a thing would drive a saint to swear".

"But father, even then I remained calm," the man confesses.

"What?" cries the priest,"Don't tell me you missed the f**king putt?"
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What's the difference between a woman's zipper and a mans zipper?
When a woman unzips her pants her brains don't fall out!!
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A representative for a condom company was on her way to an international condom convention. While rushing through the airport, she dropped her briefcase carrying her samples, scattering condoms across the floor.
She noticed a passersby looking at her as she tried to get the condoms back into her briefcase. "It's okay," she said. "I'm going to a convention."
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A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door.
"Out drinking again!?" she says. "How much money did you spend this time?"
"$100," answers the man.
"$100!" she shouts. "That's ridiculous, spending that much in one night!"
"Easy for you to say," he replies. "You don't smoke, you don't drink, and you have your own pussy."
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A blonde is standing on the bank of a lake, as she looks across the
lake she sees another blonde. She yells across, "Hey, how do I get
across the lake?"
The other blonde yells back, "YOU ARE ALREADY ACROSS THE LAKE!"
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
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Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'.

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."
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030220 -- !! new today pix at www.solstikkan.has.it !!!
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