030219 - - !! new fun video @ www.panda-sonic.has.it !!!
Lawyer: "Now would you please tell the Jury the truth why did you shoot
your husband with bow and arrow?"
Defendant: "I didn't want to wake up the children.
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father they
learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's Day is a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," she says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden?," her father asks in shock.

"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know daddy," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."
What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance."

Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 is dollars is 50 dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 50 dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says,
"Slim, I'm 73 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "Hell, I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really? Like a baby?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just shit my pants."
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
It was a really hot day at the office. There were about 20 people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on. All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever experienced.

One lady said, "Uh oh, someone's deodorant isn't working."

The "not so bright man" in the corner replied, "It can't be me. I'm not wearing any."
A well off young man was moving from one house to another, a few streets away.
Observing with dismay the care-free way in which the moving crew yanked his cherished antiques about, he was filled with a desire to save from possible damages a tall grandfather's clock which he prized highly.
Taking the clock in his arms he started for the new house. But the clock was as tall as its owner, and heavy besides, and he had to put it down every few feet and rest his arms and mop his streaming brow. Then he would clutch his burden and stagger on again. After half an hour of these strenuous exertions he was nearing his destination, when an intoxicated person who had been watching his labors from the opposite side of the road took advantage of a halt to hail him.

"Mister," he said thickly, "could I ash you a quest'n?"
"What is it?" demanded the exhausted young man.
"Why on earth don't you carry a watch?"
Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
One day a kid went to school and the teacher said,

"For homework, I want you to find out the difference between
'hypothetically' and 'realistically'."

So the kid went home and asked his father,

"Dad, what's the difference between 'hypothetically' and

His father replied,

"Ask you mother if she'd sleep with somebody for a million dollars."

The son sort of looked at his father funny, but proceeded.

"Mom, would you sleep with someone for a million dollars?"

The mother replied, "Well son, that is quite a large sum of money...I think I would."

So the son went back to his father and said,

"Dad, Mom said she would do it, but I just don't understand, what does
that have to do with 'hypothetically' and 'realistically'?"

The father replied,

"Don't worry about it, just ask your sister if she'd do it."

Reluctantly the boy went and asked his sister. She replied, "A million dollars? OF COURSE I WOULD DO IT!!"

So, the boy returned once again to his father saying,

"Dad, she said she'd do it too, but I still don't understand, what does
that have to do with 'hypothetically' and 'realistically'?"

The father replied,

"Well son, HYPOTHETICALLY we're sitting on two million dollars,
REALISTICALLY, we're living with a couple of whores!"
030219 - - !! new fun video @ www.panda-sonic.has.it !!!