030207 --- !!! See under the kilt @ www.solstikkan.has.it !!!
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
A 75-year-old woman went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor told her she needed more cardiovascular activity and recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week.

A bit embarrassed, she said to the doctor, "Please tell my husband."

The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week. The 80-year-old husband replied, "Which days?"

The doctor answered, "Monday, Wednesday and Friday would be ideal."

The husband said, "I can bring her Monday and Wednesday, but on Fridays I golf, so she'll have to take the bus."
Sherry, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.

"Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see." nodded the psychiatrist. "And you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve so you have the morals to quit screwing doctors ?"

"For God's sake, no!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterwards."
If you want to make a woman nervous, just put her in a room with a hundred hats and no mirror.
The Pope was having a shower. Although he is very strict about
the celibacy rules, he occasionally felt the need to exercise
the right wrist, and this was one of these occasions. Just as
he reached the Papal climax he saw a photographer taking a
picture of the holy seed flying through the air.

"Hold on a minute" said the Pope. "You can't do that. You'll
destroy the reputation of the Catholic Church."

"This picture is my lottery win" said the photographer".
"I'll be financially secure for life."

So, the Pope offered to buy the camera off the photographer,
and after lots of negotiation, they eventually arrived at a
figure of two million quid.

The Pope then dried himself off, and headed off with his new
camera. He met his housekeeper, who spotted the camera.
"That looks like a really good camera," she said,
"how much did it cost you?"

"Two million quid" replied the Pope.

"TWO MILLION QUID!" said the housekeeper,
"They must have seen you coming!
Did you hear about the ninety-year-old man accused of rape?
The case was dismissed because the evidence wouldn't stand up in court.
WASHINGTON D.C. (REUTERS) Early this morning a devastating fire burned down the personal library of President George W. Bush. Tragically, both books were lost in the conflagration. More poignantly, The President, due to his hectic schedule, had not found time to color in the second one.
My wife and I were browsing in a crafts store when I noticed a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, I picked up a shiny, one-stringed instrument I took to be a mouth harp. I put it to my lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, twanged a few notes on it.

After watching from a distance, my wife approached and whispered in my ear, "I hate to tell you this, dear, but you're trying to play a cheese slicer."
030207 --- !!! See under the kilt @ www.solstikkan.has.it !!!