030206 -- !!! new video at www.panda-sonic.has.it !!!
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I
can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!
A hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks.
He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home
where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like hillbillies.
The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid Oklahoma hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up
one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from
Oklahoma. This is a Kansas duck. You got a Kansas huntin' license, boy?"
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kansas hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Kansas duck.
This duck's from Arkansas. You got an Arkansas license?"
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Arkansas license.
The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its
butt, and said This ain't no Arkansas duck. This here duck's from South Carolina. You got a South Carolina huntin' license?"
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina hunting license.
The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled
at the hillbilly "Just where the hell are you from?
"The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said "You tell me, you're the expert!!".
Little Johnny's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country.
One day his Uncle Abner came to visit. Since there were limited
accommodations, he was required to sleep with his young nephew, Little
When Uncle Abner came into the bedroom, he saw the Little Johnny
Kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking this was
the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example
and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed.
Little Johnny looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?"
"Why, the same thing you're doing", replied Uncle Abner.
"Ma's gonna be mad", said Little Johnny.
"Why will she be mad?" asked Uncle Abner.
"Because the bed pan's on this side!" responded Little Johnny.
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by
a blood thirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm doomed."
There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: "No my son, you are NOT doomed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and attacks the chief, feverishly bashing at his head with all his strength. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again: "Okay . . . . NOW you're doomed."
An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following:
"Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and, if it's any good, I'll send you a check."
In a short time he received the following reply:
"Please send check; if it's any good, we'll send the engine!"
When one of the prostitutes passed away, the girls moped disconsolately around the house.
"Good old Gloria," lamented one. "She could handle twenty men a night, drink a fifth of whiskey and still have the strength to roll five drunks."
Hearing this, one of the others burst into tears.
"Why is it," she sobbed, "that a girl has to die before anyone says anything nice about her?"
A man wakes up one morning with a huge erection this one doesn't go away. After a couple of days, he is really concerned, so he puts on the baggiest pair of trousers which he can find, a loose overcoat and heads for the drug store.
He enters the store and goes to the back to the pharmaceutical section. The lady there asks if she might help him.
He asks to see the male pharmacist.
The woman tells him that there is no male pharmacist. The man starts to leave. The woman says, "Wait a minute, sir. I am a registered pharmacist, as is my sister, and we own the store. We are very professional and discreet and accustomed to personal problems of all kinds. Don't be afraid to see if we may help."
Our poor man is desperate. He edges up to the counter, unzips his trousers, and gets out his "throbber". He then says, "What can you give me for this?"
The woman says, "How long has it been that way?"
The man responds, "Almost three days".
The woman says, "I will have to consult with my sister, and will be right back. She leaves and returns in a few minutes.
The man asks, "What did you decide?"
She says, "The best we can do right now is $5,000 and a half interest in the Drug Store".
030206 -- !!! new video at www.panda-sonic.has.it !!!