030120 - !! do not miss the shakin @ www.panda-sonic.has.it !!
Talk is Cheap - until you hire a lawyer.
Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Lulu, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.

After the show, Lulu said, "Sean, if Ah'm no bein too forward, Ah'd love tae hae sex wi an aulder man. Let's go back tae mah place."

So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have even better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my baws in your left hand and my wullie in your right hand."

Lulu looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay." He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, "Lulu, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. But again, hold my baws in your left hand, and my wullie in your right hand." Lulu is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing.

Once it's all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Lulu asks "Sean, tell me, dis mah haudin yer baws in mah left hand and yer wullie in mah right stimulate ye while ye're sleepin?" Sean replies, "No, but the lasht time I shlept with a Glashwegian, she shtole my wallet."
Little Johnny was with his mom as she was driving her old beat up car on the Highway. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her. After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down the road she looked at her speedometer to see she is doing 15 miles over the speed limit.

Slowing down she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that left her in the dirt. She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car.
Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car.

As he did he said, "Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?"

Little Johnny piped up from the back seat, "I do! It's because you couldn't catch the other car's."
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.
A Japanese tourist hail a taxi at Orchard Road and asked the taxi-driver to send him to Changi Airport. On the way, a car zoomed by, the Japanese tourist responded,"Ohhhhhhh !!!! TOYOTA !!!! Made in Japan !!!! Very fast !!!!!".

Then another car zipped by, he said,"Ohhhhhhh !!!! NISSAN !!!!! Made in
Japan !!! Very fast !!!!!"

And another speed by, he said,"Ohhhhhhhh !!!! Mitsubishi !!!! Made in
Japan!!!! Very fast!!!!!"

At the meantime, the taxi-driver is getting very frustrated and sick of
the Japanese tourist.

Upon reaching Changi Airport, he said "$50 please!"
The Japanese tourist was shocked and argued,"Why so expensive? it's only a short distance" in which the Taxi-driver replied,"Ohhhhhhhh !!!!! Taxi-meter !!!!! Made in Japan !!!!! Very fast!!!
A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheely bins and emptying them into his dustcart lorry. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, goes round the back but still can't see it so he knocks on the door. There's no answer so he knocks again.

Eventually a Japanese bloke answers... "Harro", says the jappy chappy.

"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman.

"I bin on toiret" replies the Japanese bloke, looking perplexed.

Realising the Japanese fellow has misunderstood, the binman smiles and
says "No mate, where's ya dust bin?"

"I dust bin on toiret I told you" says the Japanese man.

"Mate" says the dustman... "you're misunderstanding me.........Where's your Wheely Bin?"

"OK" "OK" , says the Jap.............."I wheely bin having w*nk"

Grandma went into Victoria's Secret and wanted to buy some fancy new panties.
The sales lady talked her into buying some real nice bright red crotchless panties. Grandma put them on and waited for grandpa to come home. When grandpa came home, grandma was all laid out upon the bed and pointed down to the new crotchless panties she had on.
She said, "Come on grandpa, you want some of this?"
Grandpa said, "Lord no, it done ate a hole in your panties..."
A really sloppy drunk is draped over the bar. The bartender tells him, "OK,
you've had enough. I'm not going to serve you anymore, so get out of here
and go home."

The drunk leaves the bar. Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through the back door. The bartender tells him, "I told you to go home, I'm not serving you anything more, you've had enough, now go home."

The drunk leaves again. Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through a
side door. Again, the bartender tells him, "Man, I told you, you're wasted.
I'm not serving you anymore, now go home, you've had enough."

Again, the drunk leaves. Fifteen minutes later the drunk comes back through another side door. The bartender says, "What the hell is the matter with you? I keep telling you, you've had enough already, and I'm not going to serve you anymore, now go home!"

The drunk looks up at the bartender and asks, "How many places do you work at?"
030120 - !! do not miss the shakin @ www.panda-sonic.has.it !!