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030117 --- new daily pix @ www.solstikkan.has.it !!!!!!
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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and
that's the law."
Jerry Seinfeld.
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A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.

He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room.

When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees "Golf: $1. 00. Dinner: $1.00. Room: $1.00. Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00"

He hits the ceiling! Calling over to the manager, he asks, "WHAT is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?"

I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you didn't read the fine print
in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost."

"Well," said the man, "if I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!"

"That's right, sir, you could have," said the manager. "Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls!
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The highly religious young man entered his wedding chamber and was shocked to find his new young bride awaiting him, spread-eagled and naked on their bed.
"My dear!" he exclaimed, "I expected to find you beside our bed and on your knees!"
"OK," she said, obediently changing positions, "but I always get the hiccups when I screw in that position...."
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What did the hillbilly virgin say to her partner after her first orgasm?
"Get off dad! You're crushing my Camels!"
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A man goes to the doctors for surgery and notices the woman next to him has the skin was off both of her knees.
What happened to you, fell off your bike?
"No" she replies, "doggy style"
"Dirty cow, you'll have to do it from the front next time"
"I would" she replies." but the dog's breath smells terrible"
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A blonde's house was on fire. She called 911 and said, "my house is on fire!"
The man on the phone said, "Well, can you tell me how we get there?"
She said, "Duhhh!!! In the big red trucks!"
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Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."
The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks."
They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
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What do you call a blonde in the snow?
A snow flake.
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What is better than a cold Bud?
A warm bush.
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You know you are living in the year 2003 when:

a. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is because they do not have e-mail.

b. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

c. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.

d. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

e. Every commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of the screen.

f. You buy a computer and 3 months later it's out of date and sells for half the price you paid.

g. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.

h. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning.

i. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.

j. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.

k. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.

l. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.

m. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.

n. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.

o. You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

p. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

q. You wake up at 2 AM to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on your way back to bed.
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030117 --- new daily pix @ www.solstikkan.has.it !!!!!!
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