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030113 -- !!!!! See PARA video @ www.panda-sonic.has.it today !!!
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THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD.
Right now, as you read this, 17 Million Americans are having SEX!
And you're on the computer!
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Little Johnny goes into a house of ill repute and asks for a girl with gonorrhea.

The madam nodded and sent him upstairs to a room. Then she called one of her favorites for him. The girl came into the room and started to undress, when he asked, "Do you have gonorrhea?"

"Gonorrhea? I should say not," she replied.

Little Johnny sent her back. The madam sent for another girl and said, "Honey, go upstairs and tell that fool you have the clap. Let's do what we can to make him happy."

The girl agreed, went upstairs and when Little Johnny asked, "Do you have gonorrhea?" she smiled and said, "Of course I do."

"Ok," he said, "Let's do it."

After it was over and they were laying side by side the girl said, "Listen Johnny, I don't really have gonorrhea"

Little Johnny smiled and said, "Well, you do now."
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What do MOST lawyers name their daughters?
"Sue"
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A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were both fighting in a war and were captured by the enemy.
"Before we put you to death," said the enemy, "do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," said the Alabaman. "Could you play 'Yeah, Alabama' before you shoot me?"
"Sure," said the enemy. "How about you, Tennessean?"
"Could you shoot me before you play 'Yeah, Alabama?'"
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One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town.
On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain."

The people did as they were told and returned to church the following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious.

"We can't worship today. You do not yet believe," he said.

"But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe."

"Believe?" he responded. "Then where are your umbrellas?"
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A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about
2" in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into
the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into
the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded
with an unanimous yes.

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar -- effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children--things
that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would
still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your
job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued there is no room
for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend
all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for
the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are
critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get
medical checkups.
Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work,
clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. "Take care
of the rocks first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
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Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life? because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.
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A blonde called in a repairman to fix her electric clock.

He examined it and told her, "There's nothing wrong with the clock. You didn't have it plugged in."

She replied, "I don't want to waste electricity, so I only plug it in
when I want to know what time it is."
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A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" the child says, bursting into tears.
"Promise me you won't tell me!"
Confused, the father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, dad," the boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa speech'.
At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no tooth fairy' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really get laid,
I'll have nothing left to live for."
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030113 -- !!!!! See PARA video @ www.panda-sonic.has.it today !!!
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