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030112 -- !!! new daily pix at www.solstikkan.has.it !!!!
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The problem with being bisexual is that you get twice as many chances
to be rejected, and *both* sides think you're a pervert!
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So this guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says, "Sorry,
bud, you need a tie for this place." Our Hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found.
Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free. Back to the nightclub, where the bouncer says "Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything."
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Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in Arkansas out on the farm up in the hills. Pa has found out that the hole for the outhouse is full.
He goes in the house and tells Ma he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole. Ma says,"Why don't you go ask the youngun down the road???
He must be smart because he is a college graduate."

So Pa drives down to the neighbors. He ask him " Mr. College graduate, my hole for the outhouse is full and I don't know what to do to empty it."

The youngun tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Light them both under the outhouse.
The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air.
The second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your
farm and fertilize your ground. The outhouse will then come back down
to the same spot and you will have an empty hole for the outhouse."

Pa thanks the neighbor and picks up two sticks of dynamite at the hardware store, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He goes home and puts them under the corner of the outhouse. He lights them and then runs behind a tree.

All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse!!
BOOM!!
Off goes the first stick of dynamite and shoots the outhouse in the air.
BOOM!!
Off goes the second stick of dynamite and spreads the poop all across the farm.
The outhouse comes crashing back down on the hole.
Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks,
"Ma, are you all right??!!"
As she pulls up her pants she says,
"Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen."
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A Polack who'd recently come to the United States walked into a bar one day carrying a pistol, a bag of shit, and a dead cat. He asked the bartender for a shot of rye. He downed the whiskey, picked up the pistol, and fired three shots into the bag of shit. Then he picked up the dead cat and started gnawing.

The bartender asked the Polack what the hell he thought he was doing.
I want to be like American man," the Polack said. "Drink whiskey, shoot the shit, and eat pussy."
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How are lawyers like whores?
They both get paid to screw people.
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Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned.

Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad.
Liz "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. Why??"

Sally,"Cause I just can't get a man."

Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."

Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."

Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about."

Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."

Liz, "So, how's that gonna help you get a man."

Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."
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A 6 yr old boy went to his Mother one day and asked her, "Mommy, Where did I come from?" His Mother, deciding it was about time, took him into the bedroom, pulled down her panties and pointed to her snatch. " This is where you came from , Johnny" Johnny was quite satisfied and went outside to play.
While he was in the front yard he started to skip about and was singing, "Boy, am I lucky..... Boy, am I lucky" His friend noticed his extreme joy, and inquired, "Why are you Lucky?"
Johnny replied, " Another two inches and I would be a Turd"
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030112 -- !!! new daily pix at www.solstikkan.has.it !!!!
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